disclaimer: this is not a mathematician’s blog entry, so please… spare me!

you get someone’s number (directly or indirectly) when you’re interested. if not, you wouldnt actually care whether you have it or not, right? O’cmon! even if you really dont intend to call or text the person, having his/her number somewhere in the deepest pits of your cellphone (or your wallet, i suppose) gives you some kind of security.

when you get the number, you either give it a try or you simply keep it to yourself, hoping against hope that someday, you might actually need it. but then again, that is just a predictable assumption of people who are actually ‘interested’.

when you get to try the number, you are most likely to expect that the person at the other end of the line is the person you have in mind; na siya nga yung may ari ng number na yon. simple. practical.

but what do you do, or how do you feel when you suddenly realize that you actually got the wrong number? how do you react when you find out that the person you are talking to is not the person you thought him/ her to be? what if the person does not own the number you have?

the usual reaction/s: ‘ay, ganun po ba? sorry po!’ you become apologetic. sometimes, even panicky. then, you start asking you start asking yourself… ‘where did i go wrong? did i actually get the number wrong? nabingi ba ‘ko? mali ba yung napindot ko? o baka naman mali talaga yung number na binigay sa akin?’

it’s embarrassing. maybe not to the person at the end of the line but to yourself. what in the world has gotten into you that you actually tried to use the number without any ‘purposive’ reason at all? whoops…

it’s sad. the person at the other end of the line was not at all interested, worse, the person does not own the number. you actually got it all wrong. ooof.

after everything has been said and done, you start putting things into place. you either delete the ‘wrong number’ (or throw the piece of paper where you wrote the number), try it again a second time and convince yourself that ‘it couldnt be’ or, you call/ see the person from whom you got the number and check whether you actually got the number wrong…

as for me, i rest my case. they displayed their numbers, i scribbled them. i tried to make use of those numbers only to find out that the numbers i got were not just wrong… their lines were busy. how do i feel? jaded. but what do i do? i do the best thing there is to do: hang-up, get rid of those numbers and blame no one.

the sarswela was first staged in UPV-iloilo campus last year (around july or august, i think). it was a series of several excerpts of different sarswelas, depicting the evolution of ilonggo sarswela, to be exact. the whole show was directed and made possible by the creative juices of tito fred diaz (the over-all director), tito joseph albania (the artistic director) and all UP theater performers (students, faculty, alumni and w.h.y.’s, both former and current members of teatro amakan and tagupci). each of the performers have their own career, their own profession but it was indeed undeniable that they were all stars in their own right. as they took their rightful places on stage, they knew it and they exuded the aura of a true-blue, red-blooded artista. they are not just iskolars ng bayan, but more so, they are artistas ng bayan.

i must admit that i’m so proud of my mom. she was one of the main characters in one of the excerpts in the sarswela. she played dory (as in dorotea! hahaha!) in ‘pinustahan nga gugma’ (pinustahang pag-ibig). dory was a middle-aged (single) lady who placed a bet on her finding a boyfriend in the person of resty (as in restituto! hahahaha!), played by tito ruben, an uber jologs engineer. for the rest of the synopsis, please do search for it in the net, please. ahehehehe.

apart from being cute and very entertaining, i admired my mother for being talented. of course i know that she can sing and dance and act but i’ve never seen her like that before. i have known her in more ways than one for the past 20 years of my life but i havent seen her as a performer. the experience of watching her strut her stuff on stage was indeed something new and something to be pround of. no wonder i have the same passion for theater. Goodness, she knows how much i envied her on stage!

by the time the show ended, i was in tears. i really missed theater so much. i miss practising, singing, dancing, acting… everything. the lights, the sound, the hype, the people and… yeah! the sermons! the late night conversations and the 10-minute breaks. those things seemed to be things of the past. it was four or five years since i poured my heart out in west visaysas state university theater for lolek. had i been given the chance, i would have auditioned for dulaang UP. but then again, the opportunity hadnt come. my studies had to go first. no regrets but there’s a lot of longing… =)

indeed, UP has its own way of making its students fall in love with it deeply and passionately. four years in UP is enough for you to remember it for a lifetime and indeed, you would always want to go back into her arms when she calls you from the journey you have chosen to pursue.

modifying sisa’s words (mga anak ni sisa, tita grace as sisa), ang akon gugma (para sa teatro kag para sa UP) indi matunaw kay ini nasulod sa sako nga puno sang upa… [ang pagmamahal ko sa teatro at sa UP ay hindi kailanman matutunaw dahil ito'y parang yelo na nasa loob ng isang sako na puno ng ipa.] the passion will never die and it will always be… theater and UP…

and by the way, i liked tatoy’s suggestion (manong ompoy!): kon ako mangita sang akon palamanhon, pwede na ang sarswelista nga artistahon… hahahaha!

kudos to UPV sarswela… my mom, the cast, the crew… UP, i love you…

It’s been years since I had such an experience.
Zamboanga was the last time. I was in high school then. Yet, this one is
different. Two days, one night. I never knew that so much could happen in a
span of 48 hours. Simula sa bus hanggang sa pagbaba ko sa dorm, I was
overwhelmed and overflowing with a different kind of joy. Something I cannot
explain, something I cannot elaborate further. I feel so in awe of the things
na nagawa ko, nasabi ko, narinig ko, at napagdaanan ko. But most of what I felt
I credit to my classmates. Iba-ibang kalse ng tao, iba-ibang pananaw,
pinanggalingan at iba-iba ang disposisyon sa halos lahat ng bagay. Marami akong
natutunan sa kanila, taking from their generation. It’s just great connecting
with them. Age doesn’t really matter after ll. Maturity does always,
nonetheless.

I must admit na hindi ko pa rin ma-organize ang
thoughts ko by this time. Para akong lasing na may hangover. Pero, this kind of
hangover is something that I’d like to remain every once in a while. Hindi siya
masakit sa ulo (although, sa katawan e medyo may tama siya) at hindi siya
harmful sa brain cells (anu daw?! Haha!) gaya naman ng halo-halo, iba-iba ang
sangkap pero pagsama-samahin mo yan sa iisang baso, masarap… ubod ng sarap
kamo… heaven kung heaven…

To all my classmates in geog1 7-830am class under
ma’am nantes, thank you for the great friendship you’ve shared with me. In one
way or another, each of you have become a part of me. The moments I had with
you are simply one of the best times of my life that I’d never dare forget.. I
just love you so much guys.. GO DAMO! PUSH! You will always be a special part
of me.. Watch out for my grad treat. Hehe! =)

I don’t want to be mushy or senti but the juices
seem to overflow.. Kaya, pagbigyan niyo na’ko.. Hehe…

So, what’s with DAMO?

· Like
your ordinary grass, simpleng tao lang din kami. You find us anywhere but you
have to be with us to see and feel the difference. One thing, we’re not your ordinary carabao grass
company..

· Like
Halo-halo, we’re all unique. Put us together and we make life happier with tons
and tons of laughter as we make the simple things extraordinary with a touch of
green grass therapy (talagang ipinilit!!)

· Like
green tea, we detoxify and intoxify.. Bagong ligo o galing pa sa putikan, may
tama yan!

· Like
Shrek, you simply can’t take your eyes off us (we’re not ogrish, by the way..
Ahem!) actually, we’re refreshing to look at. Seeing us laugh our way sa lahat
ng bagay, mapa-race man o kainan, we just top it all off with laughter. People
think we’re ‘intimidating’ because (ewan ko nga ba, sabi ni ma’am e!), but in
reality, we’re just enjoying life in its fullest. Ayt guys?!

· Like
Fiona, we’re captivating (O, aminin!) things don’t always seem as they are..
Revelations like Meli is a FRESHIE (haha!) is something fabulous and grand,
even unbelieveable! Haha!

· Like
green lights, we’re always on the go. Sabog man kami’t lahat, we still have
something to show.. E-night? Tsk, just like peanuts.. Haha! Basta’t tayo’y
magkasama.. Nyahahahaha!

· Like
the green laser, alam kong malayo ang mararating namin. With all those stuff in
our heads ( talents, skills, mind games man yan, kalokohan o kahit hiritan) we
can go places!

· Green
is the color of life. With us around, simple things come to life. Ordinary to
extraordinary, natural to supernatural..

· Green
is the color of love (uy, love + life, pwede!)

o Meli and Ruel (roar! Hahahaha!), Bennet and (dahon,
dahon, dahon…), Yas and (lion king), Pranz and (pinakamagandang girl sa…),
Albert and ( cutie), Gloryse and (kuya…) hahaha! Issue, issue ito!

· Parang
Globe, Smart at Sun (kahit hindi na green, fine!) we make great things possible
because we’re simply amazing 24/7! (XT, borrow muna, ha?)

That’s all folks… friends forever! D-A-M-O..
Taktak.. DAMO! PUSH!!!!

no messages, old pictures, nothing was really new up until i accessed one particular folder considered to be ’sacred’ to the owner. hmmm, fishy. I’m not the type who reads through other people’s messages (though I really ask permission if i would really want to do so) but for some particular reason, i had the strongest urge to open it…

to my great and silly surprise, it read: (btw, this is quoted verbatim; those marked * are my own comments)

1) Iwasan ang makipag textmate sa kung kani-kanino. Meaning, ako lang ang dapat ka-text.

* wow. exclusively dating?  naman!

2) Bawal makipag-meet kung kani-kanino. Means, uuwi na pag dismissal except kung kinakailangan.

* huwaw! home buddy! kailan ba hindi kailangan umuwi after dismissal? =l

3) Bawal mabagal mag reply. Kung reasonable e accepted.

* ay kumusta naman! pre-requisite pala ang manual dexterity sa texting sa kanya. panalo! instant dapat!

4) Magpaalam pag tutulog

* haha! this sounds overboard pero may point siya ha.. pagka nga naman tulog ang katext mo e.. hahahaha!

5) Huwag magpapaakit o mang-aakit

* this is great! just great! I’m enjoying this! tama naman di ba? wag kasi feelingero!

6) Pag magkasama, dapat focus sa isa’t isa. Dapat close, holding hands, etc.

* Jusme! Pro-PDA? hoy! ke-bata niyo e, may mga ganyan kayong nalalaman! talo niyo pa ko a!

7) Bawal magtago ng sekreto. Meaning, dapat  maging open.

* I agree with this one. I mean, diyan nagkakagulo sa taguan ng sikreto e. Might as well tell rather than get caught.

Dapat laging magtawagan ng bhe

* huwaaat?!? hindi ko kinaya ito! gaaaaah! may ganung factor?!

9) Mag- aral nang mabuti

*amen! =)

10) Pag card-giving, sasabihin dapat ang grades para malaman kung may improvement

* commitment to excellence ba ito? =)

11) Walang break-up na magaganap

* which is sad. break na kaya sila. matagal tagal na. =(

12) Dapat lahat ng rules e masunod. May punishment pag hindi sinunod.

* how autocratic.. tsk tsk

I’ve always been violent about pink and I must admit that I don’t really know why or when it all started. I just woke up one day and realized that ‘Hey! Pink?! What’s that?’ Lately, I’ve been feeling awkward. I like wearing pink and it’s freaky! It’s so not me! What in the world is happening? Lord, is this you moving in my life? That’s when I start asking myself, ‘why do I seem to hate pink, anyway? What has it done to be banned in my closet and worse, in my lifestyle as a girl?’

I’m the eldest sister. I’m the eldest granddaughter, cousin or whatsoever relative I may be in both sides of the family. I never had the chance to have a playmate cum close relative who was my age or even close to that. I always hung out with my aunts and uncles who were way beyond ahead of me, like say 8-11 years? Maybe that’s why I never really enjoyed being a kid. I always thought of being older. Maybe that’s also the reason why kids often find it hard to relate to me; it seems that I don’t look fun to them. Mas mukha yata akong Math professor kesa kalaro nila (well, I was mistaken for such once in my life…). Because of that, I always thought of myself as someone older, someone ‘mature’. I simply saw pink as a color exclusive for babies and since I never thought of myself as a baby. That’s why pink is not for me.

I had a lot of dolls when I was a kid. I had several Barbie dolls from my aunts and uncles abroad. They were supposed to be collectors’ items. But when I ask my mom where they are now, she just looks at me straight in the face and says, ‘wala na. Pinutulan mo lang naman kasi ng buhok at pinugutan mo lang naman ng ulo yung mga laruan mo, noh?!’ I don’t remember, really. That’s why I had the guts to ask. Had I been aware of such brutal acts I have done to such precious dolls, I wouldn’t ask. What I remember was that I just colored my dolls’ faces using colored pens. Why? Because I didn’t like how they looked. They were too natural, too human. Maybe the reason for such modification is that I wanted them to look more like fairies or whatsoever. I can’t even remember how I colored their faces. How I wish I could picture it all out. I suppose that would give me a good laugh. I always associate pink with Barbie and since I never really liked Barbie, I never really liked pink. Ever heard of the law of transitivity? Math yun, ha? Uy, I know something! Haha!

Pink is the color of gowns. I don’t like wearing gowns. They’re itchy for me and I’m not really comfortable wearing them. Yes, they’re pretty when on display but on me? Agh! Call it tragedy. I’ll be scratching my way out of it the soonest time possible! Hence, I am not comfortable with pink. Again, the law of transitivity, please.

Pink is the color of pigs. Well, most of them are though not really all. From the real thing, to stuffed toys to key chains. They’re actually in all shades of pink. Like, eew! Yucky kadiri! Before, I was really insecure because I was fat. I was round and my face was like a blowfish’s ( ^..^ ). Blame it on puberty and adolescence (blame-shifter? Haha!). Every time I see pink, I think of pigs and since I was fat, I thought that pink on me would make me look piggish all the more. Mataba na nga, pink pa… Ang tawag dun, babe…  That’s the last thing I want to be called. Mushy and piggy. Eew. Pink? No thanks.

Gays and girls (i.e. the maarte ones) irritate me. They never fail to get into my nerves. I grew up in a family of boys. I never had a brother though but I have six uncles from my father’s side whom I lived with for six years and five other uncles who are my mother’s brothers whom I lived with since 1994. Maybe that’s the reason why I grew up more boyish than girlish. And maybe because of that testosterone hormone impartation (figuratively speaking, that is), I easily get irritated with such kaartehan. The bad thing about it is that they (the irritating gays and girls) are obsessed with pink. They have deliberately overrated, overused and abused pink. Every time I see them, I see pink. How always wished I could just shove them away right then and there.

Pink is the color of subtlety, of femininity. Because of that, I have always associated it with weakness, with vulnerability. I was never subtle or feminine, as far as my awareness tells me. Even when they say that ilonggas are known for being malambing, spare me. I am 70% batangueña. Thank You. I never wanted to be subtle because I think it’s just not my nature. I have always been pretty straight-forward. Feminine? Na-ah. Family of boys, remember? But getting to the root of it all, I never really wanted to see myself as weak and vulnerable. Why? Because I didn’t want to see myself as not being able to do anything that others can do. I wanted to be some kind of superwoman: what boys can do, I can do and I can do better. Weakness has no room for me. Mapag-iiwanan ako. Subtlety? Hah! I’d be fooling myself and others. Feminine? I never liked Hello Kitty stuff and I never behaved as such (completely, that is). So, why should I associate with pink when it doesn’t reflect any truth about my personality? I’d be so untrue…

See? Those are the legalisms I throw at pink. Kawawa naman siya, noh? It’s all transitivity’s fault. Pink may just be something so irrelevant for some but it’s really big deal to me. In fact, every time I wear pink, I feel weak and sometimes itchy. Psychological it may be but it manifests physically. Hehe. But right now, I think my Creator’s doing something different inside of me. For three straight days, I wear pink. Shirt and what-have-yous. My desktop color is also pink. Asked what the color of my week is, the answer would be ‘chocolate pink’. When I wear pink, I feel pretty. No, charming. Now, that’s really not me anymore. Hala ka na!

I really do not know yet but it seems that God is redeeming pink in my life. I could almost hear Him say ‘Hey, you are a girl. My girl, my baby, my princess. It’s okay to feel weak because I will be your strength. It’s okay to feel and behave femininely. That’s the way I created you to be. You are not fat anymore. Obvious, ba? You’ll never be piggy in My eyes. In fact, you will always be beautiful to Me whatever they say. It’s okay to be vulnerable; I already know it before you do. Subtlety? It will follow.

Trust
Me.

Wearing pink and pink itself doesn’t make you what you think of pink. Kung tutuusin, hindi pink ang problema. Mindset lang yan, iha. It’s a matter of self-image. You get that, sweetie? Now, no more hatred for pink okay?’ What more can I say when He has said it all. Oof!